Cataclysmic: Day 1

Well I’ve bought the World of Warcraft Battle Chest (main game + first expansion). Between an in-store sale and gift cards, I didn’t have to pay for it myself, which is nice considering that there are two more expansions I need to buy just to play a Goblin.

Anyway, since I’m not (yet) willing to shell out $80 to play the goblin inventor character I wanted to, I made an Orc Hunter. Hunters, I’ve heard, are one of the easiest classes for total n00bs like me and when looking through the racial abilities I noticed Orcs give their pets a passive bonus because… they just wuv the fwuffy aminals? As long as I don’t catch any members of the “proud warrior race” trying to pass legislation to restrict emissions on smoke-spewing Goblin Motorbikes, I guess I’m cool with that. Anyway, the choice was pretty easy.

So we start off in Orc Startington, which I really should have remembered the real name of. The local Important Dude sitting by a campfire congratulates me on becoming old enough to become a player-character and sends me off to kill some wild boars that are pestering a local farmer. My own pet boar does not take offense at slaughtering his cousins, and joins in the fun. The mission is to kill six boars, but the farms are literally crawling with them. Wait: isn’t the farmer raising these boars? I guess I’m helping with the chore of slaughtering them, a Proper Orc Chore for a Fine Young Orc Lad like myself. Maybe I shouldn’t assume that the first mission is a vermin-killing mission just because the game is an RPG; and also read the quest text more carefully.

Anyway, the boars are only slightly tougher than a couple rabbits I kill on the way; and no wonder! It turns out the meat you can harvest from the boars is jerky. These are seriously dehydrated boars if the instant they die their hide becomes jerky! Real tasty, though, and by “tasty” I mean “heals a nice amount when eaten”.

Several other beginner quests later, I’ve killed some low-level human scouts that were hanging around too close to camp. Considering that none of the other Orcs minded their presence, one can assume that these guys are attempting the Human Scout Trainer’s “Learn When Your Trainer Is Trying To Trick You Into Killing Yourself” quest, and they’re not doing very well.

I’ve also killed a bunch of “familiars” who are wandering around warlock-less. I did it for the quest and then, because they drop copper and I haven’t figured out how to sell loot yet, I killed a whole bunch more copper-dispensers. I also killed some wild scorpions whose “juice” is evidently viscous enough to pick up in your bare hands. Ew.

So we come to the main lesson I’ve learned today: both humans and warlocks are about as smart as wild scorpions, and the humans are definitely less dangerous.

According to the intro movie, something called the “Cataclysm” happened not long ago. Hmmm… a big old dragon as the bad guy, steampunk gnomes, all the other standard fantasy trappings, major events called “Cataclysms” that are only supposed to happen every few hundred years but actually happen about once a decade… Blizzard are totally copying Dragonlance! Seriously: Cataclysm is literally exactly the same as Dragons of Summer Flame, except it doesn’t completely betray everything the fans love about the setting!

Come to think of it, did I ever finish writing that article about how Half Life 2’s story and characters are nearly identical to Final Fantasy VII? No, wait: focus!

Anyway, more World of Warcraft writings tomorrow.

P.S. My name is DoktarDulotz. Because I’m an Orc who “walks with the animals, talks with the animals”. I didn’t even have to try to come up with an original name, and it’s appropriate and punny and not taken already. So why do other players come up with names like “xxAraggornxx” in screenshots that I’ve seen? Maybe their trainers should send them over to Orc Startington to do some scouting.

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