Too Bad It Wasn’t Done By Pixar

Not much to report, except that work has been crazy. Thanks to yet another silly teenage girl quitting without having the decency to say she’s quitting in advance, I’m stuck with double the usual work hours. On the positive side, it means more ca$h. But it’s also seriously eating into my “everything else” time which means I haven’t been able to type at all so far this week until today.

In “whatever I feel like” news, Girl Genius Online is two pages into officially being a webcomic, and I have to say it’s just as great as ever. Poor Hans. *snicker*

Now for my Robots (the movie) review, which is the reason for the title of this post: MAN, I wish Pixar had made this movie. There are many parts of it that made me think “THIS is the movie I’ve wanted to make since I was a kid! Wonderful!” But then there are many parts of it that made me think “Gosh, didn’t I see Shrek 2/The Brave Little Toaster/Monsters Inc./[insert CG movie here] already?” or “Please, not another fart joke!” or both at the same time.

Robin Williams. Robin, Robin Williams. Once upon a time he was very funny. In Alladin he was very funny. In Robots he is occasionally funny. However, the name of his character in Robots is not only an obvious rip-off of Bender from Futurama, the routine is so old and stale (sometimes anachronistically* stale) it was sometimes quite painful to watch. But this is not necessarily Mr. William’s fault, so much as the fact that Fender suffers from the So-Much-Screentime-It’s-Irritating syndrome made famous by Jar Jar Binks. If they had cut Fender’s screen time in half, I wouldn’t be as irritated by the character. If they had cut out all of the groaners and only kept the good lines, I would have actually liked the character.

The Fender character is one example of What Went Wrong with this film. Another is Aunt Fanny. She has a big butt and her name is a reference to it. I get it. It was kind of funny the first time. THEY DON”T HAVE TO POINT IT OUT EVERY TEN SECONDS FOR THE REST OF THE FILM. One of the characters (I think it was Piper) said “Are you guys 3 years old?” Yes, at least some of the makers of this movie must have been at that mental age. There simply is no other explanation (or EXCUSE) for it. I mean: her butt gets more lines about it than she herself does. Who spends skrillions of dollars on computer hardware just to make a movie about jokes about people with big butts? It’s truly pathetic, though I am releived to say that it’s not the only focus of the movie. It just Takes-Up-Far-Too-Much-Screentime.

Now let me make one thing clear: I was laughing more than anyone else in the theater. They actually did have some subtle jokes in there among all the toilet humor. Some things they did do right include:

1) Not making the (real) head of the company a sterotypical Evil Greedy Polluting Monster and more of a Walt Disney type instead.
2) The sheer eye candy.
3) Underdeveloped but still relevant love triangle (without this and certain other plot elements it really would have been just Shrek with robots)
4) The Psycho-esque villains. Very creepy without being too scary for kids.
5) Genuinely funny lines(which aren’t that funny out of context, but still make good quotes). “I have a sister! A really ugly sister…”
6) A hero who is the second biggest geek in the movie(After the Walt Disney-esque guy), but who uses that geekiness to save the day and at no point does it seem forced.
7) A “cute” character that doesn’t make me want to kill it.
8) It’s a CG movie about robots!

Overall, I do like Robots in spite of it’s flaws. But will I buy the DVD? Absolutely not. This one’s a renter.

*Do humans exist in the Robots universe or not? If they don’t, several of Fender’s lines “break the fourth wall”. If humans do exist, why aren’t there any other references to them, other than the anthropomorphism of the robots themselves? Sorry to sound like Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons, but seriously: this kind of inconsistency destroys my suspension of disbeleif.

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